Flashback: Joe Giudice v. Joe Gorga Fight Voiced by Chief Wiggum & Moe – “He’s Bitin’ My Nuts, WTF?!”

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In the video above, Hank Azaria does voiceover as Chief Wiggum and Moe from The Simpsons for the Joe Giudice v. Joe Gorga fight at Lake George, The Real Housewives of New Jersey season 5 – the episode where Gorga’s spray-on hair polish gets on everybody in the room.

Juicy Joe’s tagline for season 5 should have been: “He’s bitin’ my nuts, WTF?!”

SecretSquirrel said at FW on August 25, 2013:

Regarding a takedown of Gorga and Laurita – remember during/after the fight when Joe Gorga said to Juicy, “You made me a bum, just like you!”? – Teresa once said that Juicy showed her brother the “business” (robbing banks by pen, not gun, by amassing loan money and paying it with the next loan). Joe Gorga has done almost the same as Juicy; and Joe Gorga now blames Juicy for showing him the tricks, yet only Gorga has managed to keep up with the loans, even if it means stealing/forfeiting his parents house.

GessieWTF’s Take on Juicy Joe Kicking Baby Joey’s Ass

By gessiewtf
Originally posted on July 11, 2013

A former male stripper was charged with attempted murder for biting a man’s penis and testicles during a steroid-fueled rage at an upscale retreat in Lake George.

Joe Gorga, 41, was sexually aroused with blood dripping from his face as he “growled and snarled” and was crying for his mother when he was taken by police, according to the arrest report. There was a delay in the arrest because the police had to send a unit back to the station to obtain smaller handcuffs for the balding diminutive suspect and to get pepper spray in case he attempted the same thing on the arresting officers.

“I literally thought there was a rabid raccoon inside this place,” said Evette Mays, the hotel guest who dialed 911.

The stoic victim, covered in the man’s sputum, suffered from severe bite marks on his genitals as the deranged suspect gnawed right through the victim’s trousers. He told deputies that it appeared as if Gorga was “trying to eat his penis and testicles,” reported the Lake George Mirror.

The suspect’s wife also gouged the victim’s eyes and hit him in the face and head, police said.

“I thought the guy was on bath salts or something,” said Mays. “When I dialed that number 911, I said, ‘Lady, you better get someone over here quick, because somebody is about to die, and I’m not talking about the victim.”

The perpetrator is a cast member of a scripted reality show and told officials that he was in love with the victim and could no longer pretend that he was happily married to his wife.

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By gessiewtf
Originally posted on July 17, 2013

N.J. Pool Man held in sexual assault and attempted poisoning case.

By Eaton D’Ballsack

Lake George, N.Y. (ABC 4 News) – A man named Joe Gorga, who was originally thought to be under the influence of the street drug, bath salts, has been released on bond as the substances found in his toxicology screen do not prohibit him from being released on bail, said his attorney, Tryme Sacke.

Only one banned substance, an anabolic steroid, was determined to be present in his toxicology report.

The other substances, which were present but determined to be legal (although curious), included;

(1) nitrous oxide, which is commonly found in canned whipped cream;

(2) tetrahydroxypropl ethylenediamine, a chemical commonly used in spray-on hair products for balding men; and

(3) estrogen.

In an unprecedented move, His Eminence Timothy Cardinal Dolan, the Archbishop of New York, stripped him of his god-parenting responsibilities, despite the fact that there is no canonical procedure for replacing a godparent or relieving him of his office without direct authority from the Vatican.

Cardinal Dolan released the following statement this morning:

“When a man who is charged with the spiritual safety of a child is thought to require an exorcism, we have the authority to strip him of his duties, until said procedure can be performed by obtaining an edict from the Vatican. It has yet to be determined if the Holy Sea can be of any help to this man. He may require extensive psychiatric care.”

His attorney, who is a disbarred in 49 states and works at an establishment called Sizzle Tan, volunteered the suspect for involuntary electric shock treatments. His client, who has an I.Q. of 84, pounded his fist on the defendant dock and screamed, “Yes, my penis sock.”

It is not clear that the defendant understands the charges against him; his competency is to be determined at a later date.

According to court documents, he was arrested for sexually assaulting a Montville man who he attacked without provocation; and during the commission of the alleged assault, his hair product was distributed all over the victim and those nearby, which could lead to future health issues, thereby leaving the perpetrator open to civil lawsuits, as well.

The perpetrator’s attorney argued that bail be set at negative $250,000, which it appears he confused with his client’s net worth.

When that request was denied, Mr. Gorga offered to put up his parent’s home for collateral. A recess was called so the presiding judge could assess that proposal. It was discovered that the defendant had defrauded his own parents out of the equity of their life-long residence, prompting the judge to become impatient.

“Mr. Gorga, you have insulted this court for the final time. The next thing you will offer is the filling in your parents’ teeth. Can you post bail or not? It is a simple god-damned question.”

“Would you be interested in 50 cases of my wife’s hit single, ‘On Display?’,” he asked. “I have $10,000 worth of stolen tools that I buried in my back yard, too.”

The judge replied: “Bailiff, do you have your taser on you? Just release him to a f***ing zoo. I’m done.”

According to court documents, back in May, Gorga tried to molest a transvestite living in a Millcreek home just off 4500 S. Main St. in Upper Saddle, N.J. That day, police say her 12-year-old sister scared Gorga away. Court documents say Gorga came back last week and, this time, he forced his way into the house, began molesting the family dog, and when the brother tried to stop to him, Gorga grabbed his penis and bit it.

Neighbors can’t believe it.

“I think it’s very scary,” said Judy Golightly.

“I think it’s kind of weird,” said Richard Golightly.

“It makes me angry,” said Bud Hancock.

“Why the f*** is this guy out on the streets?,” said Milford Bittenballz.

The victim in this case, Mr. Giuseppe Giudice, who has become something of an internet sensation for not killing the man during the altercation, declined to be interviewed for this report. However, he was deposed and the deposition became a matter of public record at 2:00 PM EST.

“This isn’t the first time this f**ktard tried to bite my nuts off. He did it at my f***ng wedding and my bachelor party. If I didn’t love my wife, I’d f***ng take him for a long ride in my truck with a shovel and my fist, and only one of us would come back. His own father wants me to kill him for Christ’s sake.”

No other information is available at this time.

Teresa Giudice Broke Up the Fight Between the Two Joes; Melissa Gorga Calls Joe Giudice, “The Cunt Husband” and Says He’s “Gonna End Up” in Prison, “Where He Belongs”

Partial transcript of season 5, episode 9:

Teresa, talking to Juicy in their room, after the fight: I want to punch Melissa in the fucking face. It’s like, I had to come in there and break in apart, thank you very much! Why didn’t she get her husband off of you?! Why?!

Melissa consoling Poison, who is crying in her lap: Don’t you cry. Don’t you get upset over this. He will never be half the man you are. You know where he’s gonna end up. Where he belongs.

In the Gorga’s bathroom at the retreat in Lake George, Melissa and Poison talking about Juicy:

Poison: Are you kidding me?? Forty years old. I’m not a scumbag like him, going to fuckin’ jail.

Poison TH: I hate that man. I fuckin’… I hate him so fuckin’ much. I wanna skin him. He is the one that ruined this entire family. Ya know what? Karma’s a bitch.

Melissa: He’s the cunt husband. He’s all these things.

By Isolde
July 22, 2013

There is one point that I want to make as both Teresa and Melissa addressed it in their blogs. Please watch the beginning of the episode very closely when they are still all bunched together during the fight. Melissa rags on Teresa, saying that she ran away and didn’t care if they killed each and Teresa says, “Why didn’t Melissa break it up, why did she have to do it”?

At the beginning of the episode, after Teresa ran for help, Teresa did come back into the room, on the right hand side of the video. Teresa immediately pulled Melissa out and then Kathy. Security still is not visible in the scene. Once Teresa pulled Melissa and Kathy out of the way, she had access to her husband and got him to break his hold of Joe Gorga–which is when Gorga goes flying backward. It is then that you see the two security guards on the left hand side of the scene, but only after Gorga was freed from Joe’s headlock.

Teresa did in fact break up the fight after getting security, as she states in her blog–she arrived back in the room before the security guards. It is of course, happening very fast and you have to watch closely, but it was shown in the 5:41 minute tape that was up a few days ago, and then shown again in last night’s episode. Please keep your eyes on the right, and watch closely, as it happens very fast.

I am making it a point to bring this up because of Melissa’s blog and her tirade during the episode where she keeps calling Teresa a disgusting pig because she ran out and didn’t help. The Whorgas once again used this for talking about Teresa and her products, saying she didn’t care if her brother got hurt–she only she cared about her next book deal, etc.

Teresa was the level headed one, got security, and then went back in and got to her husband and got him to free Gorga. Melissa wasn’t trying to break it up–she joined in the attack. And, once again, Teresa showed that she was a better woman than her.

Also, I completely agree that Joe Giudice could have really hurt her brother by hitting him more, except that he showed restraint and put him in a headlock. Teresa’s claim that her Joe would not hurt her brother rings true in that he held onto him to prevent Gorga from hitting him, but he did not hit him after he put him in the headlock–thus Gorga bit his testicles.

Joe Giudice did not start the fight–he did flip and punch Gorga, but then placed him in a hold. I am sure that he did that out of love for Teresa, Teresa’s parents and children, and even Gorga himself. This is why Joe was able to calm down and even joke that he might take Gorga fishing the next day, because he does not have the hatred or anger towards Gorga as the Whorgas do with him and Teresa. How many times did her brother and Melissa say that they hate the Giudices???

Please watch the episode and the breakup of the fight to see the truth since Melissa doesn’t want to admit it or give Teresa credit for anything. LOL, Melissa probably doesn’t want to admit that Teresa also pulled her off Joe Giudice as easily as she did either–tough girl that she is!!

“I made a promise to her father that I wouldn’t beat the shit out of him. He’s gotta stop with the shit! – Juicy talking to Rosie on the terrace just before Teresa comes outside to tell him that she wants to leave because her brother is calling her scum

In the last three screen shots, it looks like Melissa is charging Teresa, who is to the right of Kathy and Richie, both still holding onto Juicy.

After Teresa and Juicy leave the conference room, Poison Joe can be heard saying: “He fuckin’ cheats on my sister!” Then he yells at the team builders, saying: “Hey guys, that’s when you deal with trash! You understand? You gotta become trash!” Poison also calls the Giudices “fucking scumbags” and Melissa calls them “losers.”

The following is a partial transcript of conversations after they all left the conference room to go their rooms.

Melissa: This is disgusting! Disgusting animals! She doesn’t even pull her brother and husband apart! She walks away! Like the devil would do, walks right away!

Melissa in their room: We’re not staying here!

Melissa washing Poison’s spray-on-hair off her hands. Joe now wearing a black stocking cap.

Teresa to Juicy back in their room: I wanna know, what did I do?!

Melissa: Joe, I got on my knees to that fucking bitch! And then she was not having it and I walked away. And the next thing I knew, you two were (Poison interrupts).

Poison to Melissa: I honestly don’t know what happened. He might have got the best of me. I don’t know. He’s an animal and she’s disgusting! And I embarrassed myself.

Melissa TH: When you don’t respect someone’s wife, you’re ultimately not respecting them either. And she looks at me like she saw a piece of shit.

Poison to Melissa: I became trash. When you hang with trash, you become trash.

The following are excerpts from Teresa’s and Melissa’s Bravo blogs about the fight.

“Once my brother started calling me names, I went to get Joe to leave. Not so that Joe would do something. Melissa seems to forget she called Joey last year at the fashion show for exactly that reason, so he would come and fight. I didn’t want it then, and I didn’t want it now. I just wanted to leave. I was done. I was very proud that my Joe walked in the room and asked for an apology. He didn’t call anyone names. As soon as Joey charged him, Joe was figuring out the safest way to hold Joey off. If there was ever a ‘safe’ fight for my brother to be in, it’s with my husband. He would never hurt my brother. Joey knows that and Melissa knows it too. Why she was acting all hysterical was insane to me. I get that if Joey was fighting with a stranger, she might be afraid for him, but not with my husband. Then, you should definitely jump in and try to stop it, Melissa! When he’s being an idiot with my husband, you can let them be. I did run to get security to break it up, but I got back to the room before they did. And I broke up the fight right away. How is that? There were 4 people there trying to ‘break it up’ but only I could do it? Seems to me they weren’t really trying to break it up, they were also attacking my husband. Poor guy!” – Teresa Giudice, July 22, 2013, Bravo Blog for Season 5 Episode 8

“When the brawl started, I just reacted and jumped in to break them apart… Even though Joe Giudice might have deserved to get slapped for the things he’d said about me, I really wasn’t trying to hurt him. I just wanted to get them off of each other. It’s pure instinct to try to help your loved ones when you feel like they may be in danger… Immediately after the fight, Joe was devastated. He knew that his sister and her husband would spin the fight their way and he was upset he let it get that far. He was right. Teresa told Joe that she was the one that had to go in there and break up the fight! Really? She wasn’t there! Whatever her excuse will be, the fact is she ran in the opposite direction when her husband and brother were trying to kill each other.” – Melissa Gorga, July 22, 2013, Bravo Blog for Season 5 Episode 8