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Jay Mohr Blogs the Spot-on Truth About Melissa Gorga

February 7, 2012 4 comments

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Jay Mohr and Melissa Gorga are in a Twitter War!

Posted on September 13, 2011

Take a look at some very public sniping between Jay Mohr and Melissa Gorga!

Melissa Gorga’s Tweet:

@jaymohr37 @BravoAndy @bravotv guess they don’t have my back with this. I don’t care for jay, do u read his blogs.,,,he’s not funny anymore. I can handle him just don’t like him, Don’t get it twisted! Wow! I thought we r having fun, that took it to a whole new level, goodnight.

Jay Mohr’s Tweet:

Jay first responded to the fan who criticized his blog for bashing Melissa:

Listen up! @melissagorga I CRUSHED Teresa four weeks in a row. I CRUSHED Joe G. Too! WHY ARE YOU ON REALITY TELEVISION THEN?!! Ahem “Joe has drank enough booze to blind Keith Richards”. Did you think I was mean when I said your daughter was the most beautiful child I had ever seen? Don’t remember a thank you. I never wrote that you made the sign of the cross with your LEFT hand did I? For the record @melissagorga tonight told me to blog negative things about @Teresa_Giudice books and businesses. #fact #sad

Sun Post Weekly Interview with Melissa

Do you write your own music?

Yes I do and I have a co-writer. I really put a lot of time and effort into the lyrics as they often coincide with what is going on in my life or something that I’m feeling. Writing is a great release for me and one of the best parts of being involved in music. I love it!

Jay Mohr’s Bravo Blogs (Excerpts)

Jay Mohr is starting to think Teresa and Joe’s feud is just plain sad. s/jay-mohr/yeah-um?page=0,0&nxa=blog%3AThe%20Real%20Housewives%20o %20%20f%20New%20Jersey%20Season%203%3AShowdown

From the other room we hear an odd noise. For a second I thought maybe it was a neighbor’s cat having sex with a garbage truck, but as it turns out it’s Melissa singing. If only she could have just hung the song up there in the closet and forgotten about it.

Melissa is singing “Amazing Grace,” but instead of singing “a wretch like me” she croons “…A WENCH like me.” Oh snap! Amazing Grace RE-MIX!!!!!!!!! Someone get Timbaland on the phone immediately. We’re gonna rewrite all the standards and make them dance floor hits. “Snappy Birthday” will be the B-side to “Slow, Slow, Slow Your Boat.” Damn we are all gonna get rich, rich, RICH! Maybe Jo de la Rosa can sing back-up on a few of Melissa’s future fake songs (too soon?)

Meanwhile, somewhere across town, Melissa and her sisters are shopping for couture clothing at a strip mall. In this segment, Melissa drops the bombshell to her sisters that she is going to pursue a career in music. We also learn that Melissa isn’t wearing underwear. I am much more excited by the music career news. I cannot wait for her make-believe album to drop. We will finally have the third piece to the Housewives music puzzle. “Money Can’t Buy You Class”, “Tardy For the Party” and now finally, “A Wench Like Me” RE—MIX!!! I’m not sure how a music career will work out for Melissa because she seems to have the rhythm of a furnace.

Melissa is asked by the strip mall clothing store owner, “Do you write your own music?” Duh! Of course she does. “A wench like me?” Lyrics like that don’t just fall off trees and into walk in closets. Melissa explains that she knows a songwriter and she just keeps texting and texting and texting him song lyrics when she thinks of them. I’m pretty sure that’s how Lennon and McCartney did it. Fats Waller wrote most of his big hits by texting people as well. Melissa then says to her sisters, “You’re too old to be my back-up dancers. Truer words have yet to be spoken this season.

Smash cut back to Melissa’s house and her songwriter arrives. He is a handsome young guy named Antony and he is only 22 years old. I guess writing songs that no one will ever hear is a young man’s game.

As Antony walks Melissa through a song he has written for her by cobbling together a few hundred of her texts, Melissa asks, “Do you really think I can hit that note?” Melissa, you couldn’t hit that note with a Range Rover. She tries to hit it and exclaims, “I feel like I’m gonna die!” So do we! Open a tanning salon or something. Why does every one in show business automatically assume they can have a music career?

At Gia’s gymnastics event, it’s obvious that Joe Gorga is going to be late and miss all the good stuff. Gia is really good and looks like she really loves gymnastics. It’s a weird scene because all of the little girls are dressed like Data from Star Trek. Gia is visibly nervous about whether or not her Uncle Joey will show up. In the uneven parralel bars, Gia does amazing and sticks the landing to a score of 800! (Is 800 good? I have no idea, I just like Gia.)

Finally, after all the gymnastics have been gymnasticated, Joe Gorga and Melissa show up. I understand the concept of being “fashionably” late, but these two were “miss the entire thing” late. Joe Gorga and Teresa make nice, which for them is very nice and even Joe Giudice is civil. I actually didn’t think the meeting of Joe Gorga and Teresa was uncomfortable even considering their lateness.

What I found excruciatingly uncomfortable was Melissa acting so freaking angry the whole time. Why was Melissa pissed? Damn girl, you just got a 20-year-old Italian kid to come to your home and write you pop songs. Celebrate. Melissa can barely walk into the gym from the weight of her own attitude. This really surprised me because in the last episode it really looked like Melissa was going to be the peacemaker between Teresa and Joe. Maybe Melissa is angry because she is once again wearing the hat she got from the set of Blossom.

In her interview, Melissa says, “I feel empty inside.” Well, I suppose you are. These children all love each other and this petty feud is starting to bum me out! Watching Gia and Antonia hug and play and laugh is perfect and genuine and real. Then we cut away to the adults and Melissa is angry for no reason at all (it seems).

Hey, memo to Melissa…YOU were late. The entire gym is filled with people that got there on time.