GessieWTF’s Take on Juicy Joe Kicking Baby Joey’s Ass
Originally posted on July 11, 2013
Joe Gorga, 41, was sexually aroused with blood dripping from his face as he “growled and snarled” and was crying for his mother when he was taken by police, according to the arrest report. There was a delay in the arrest because the police had to send a unit back to the station to obtain smaller handcuffs for the balding diminutive suspect and to get pepper spray in case he attempted the same thing on the arresting officers.
“I literally thought there was a rabid raccoon inside this place,” said Evette Mays, the hotel guest who dialed 911.
The stoic victim, covered in the man’s sputum, suffered from severe bite marks on his genitals as the deranged suspect gnawed right through the victim’s trousers. He told deputies that it appeared as if Gorga was “trying to eat his penis and testicles,” reported the Lake George Mirror.
The suspect’s wife also gouged the victim’s eyes and hit him in the face and head, police said.
“I thought the guy was on bath salts or something,” said Mays. “When I dialed that number 911, I said, ‘Lady, you better get someone over here quick, because somebody is about to die, and I’m not talking about the victim.”
The perpetrator is a cast member of a scripted reality show and told officials that he was in love with the victim and could no longer pretend that he was happily married to his wife.
Originally posted on July 17, 2013
N.J. Pool Man held in sexual assault and attempted poisoning case.
By Eaton D’Ballsack
Lake George, N.Y. (ABC 4 News) – A man named Joe Gorga, who was originally thought to be under the influence of the street drug, bath salts, has been released on bond as the substances found in his toxicology screen do not prohibit him from being released on bail, said his attorney, Tryme Sacke.
Only one banned substance, an anabolic steroid, was determined to be present in his toxicology report.
The other substances, which were present but determined to be legal (although curious), included;
(1) nitrous oxide, which is commonly found in canned whipped cream;
(2) tetrahydroxypropl ethylenediamine, a chemical commonly used in spray-on hair products for balding men; and
In an unprecedented move, His Eminence Timothy Cardinal Dolan, the Archbishop of New York, stripped him of his god-parenting responsibilities, despite the fact that there is no canonical procedure for replacing a godparent or relieving him of his office without direct authority from the Vatican.
Cardinal Dolan released the following statement this morning:
“When a man who is charged with the spiritual safety of a child is thought to require an exorcism, we have the authority to strip him of his duties, until said procedure can be performed by obtaining an edict from the Vatican. It has yet to be determined if the Holy Sea can be of any help to this man. He may require extensive psychiatric care.”
His attorney, who is a disbarred in 49 states and works at an establishment called Sizzle Tan, volunteered the suspect for involuntary electric shock treatments. His client, who has an I.Q. of 84, pounded his fist on the defendant dock and screamed, “Yes, my penis sock.”
It is not clear that the defendant understands the charges against him; his competency is to be determined at a later date.
According to court documents, he was arrested for sexually assaulting a Montville man who he attacked without provocation; and during the commission of the alleged assault, his hair product was distributed all over the victim and those nearby, which could lead to future health issues, thereby leaving the perpetrator open to civil lawsuits, as well.
The perpetrator’s attorney argued that bail be set at negative $250,000, which it appears he confused with his client’s net worth.
When that request was denied, Mr. Gorga offered to put up his parent’s home for collateral. A recess was called so the presiding judge could assess that proposal. It was discovered that the defendant had defrauded his own parents out of the equity of their life-long residence, prompting the judge to become impatient.
“Mr. Gorga, you have insulted this court for the final time. The next thing you will offer is the filling in your parents’ teeth. Can you post bail or not? It is a simple god-damned question.”
“Would you be interested in 50 cases of my wife’s hit single, ‘On Display?’,” he asked. “I have $10,000 worth of stolen tools that I buried in my back yard, too.”
The judge replied: “Bailiff, do you have your taser on you? Just release him to a f***ing zoo. I’m done.”
According to court documents, back in May, Gorga tried to molest a transvestite living in a Millcreek home just off 4500 S. Main St. in Upper Saddle, N.J. That day, police say her 12-year-old sister scared Gorga away. Court documents say Gorga came back last week and, this time, he forced his way into the house, began molesting the family dog, and when the brother tried to stop to him, Gorga grabbed his penis and bit it.
Neighbors can’t believe it.
“I think it’s very scary,” said Judy Golightly.
“I think it’s kind of weird,” said Richard Golightly.
“It makes me angry,” said Bud Hancock.
“Why the f*** is this guy out on the streets?,” said Milford Bittenballz.
The victim in this case, Mr. Giuseppe Giudice, who has become something of an internet sensation for not killing the man during the altercation, declined to be interviewed for this report. However, he was deposed and the deposition became a matter of public record at 2:00 PM EST.
“This isn’t the first time this f**ktard tried to bite my nuts off. He did it at my f***ng wedding and my bachelor party. If I didn’t love my wife, I’d f***ng take him for a long ride in my truck with a shovel and my fist, and only one of us would come back. His own father wants me to kill him for Christ’s sake.”
No other information is available at this time.